Read + Write + Report
Home | Start a blog | About Orble | FAQ | Sites | Writers | Advertise | My Orble | Login

Stu Kicks responds to the critics

June 5th 2008 02:17
sup y'all. it has come to my attention that some playas out there arent digging this blog. well listen up fools... stu kicks caters for no haters. you know what im saying?

lets look at some of these comments up close
this first one is from bryn who has a blog on cool horror shiz
Forrest Whittaker is an Afro-American, born in Texas ... Really Long Link
Your comment is one of the most ignorant statements I've ever heard ... It beggers belief. Thank God you're not published for real!!!
I'll argue with someone if I feel they're doing a disservice to the wider community, which is exactly what you're doing! How Luke let you take over his position is beyond me!

... and hey, I ain't your buddy.

i am aware that forrst whittaker is currently living in american and i am also aware that he is african. whe n i said that he had perfected an american accent i clearly DID mean that he is now an afro-american.. he has moved from africa to america to find more work in movies, and i am saying it is a GOOD THING that he has perfected an american accent for movies such as STREET KINGS as it will now help him find more work. as for luke letting my take over his position - dudes busy and he let me fill in the blanks to help keep it real for y'all. i aint doing no disservice to any community a lot of my neighbours dont even have the internet so how can my community be disserviced by what i write when they dont even read it?

then theres this guy called johnny ola (OLA as in scab-rOLA obviously)
I imagine you must be sitting there thinking how funny and witty of you to say things like; "Godfather 3 on the other hand was surprisingly good, mainly due to the appearance of a young tom hanks". Sorry to burst your bubble chump but you really are very sadly mistaken. Not only is your writing well below mediocre, it is saddeningly tragic and distastefully dismal! But it's all good Stu, I suppose when you're 12 or 13 it's okay to chat shit like this. Just hope that some day you manage to grow up!


i know my writing aint always crash hot and on the level like mad academics stylz but thats okay because im bringing the street-truth you know what i mean? for too long the movie fan world has been made up of dudes singin the praises of boring movies like the Godfather and lawrence of arabia... i mean what the hell is lawrence of arabia? whos even seen that movie? lawrence isn't even an arabian name. im not 12 or 13 but that IS the number of roots i get in a month. i dont see how my opinion (the truth) about godafther 3 is meant to be witty or funny but hey if you think so more power to you pal.

finally there is this comment from what appears to an actual LADY blogger

I'm not going to login because I'm not going to give you that many vote points. But WTF?
You need to learn what humour is before you attempt it. I suggest a dictionary might be a good place to start so that you can find the definition of humour, wit, sarcasm, satire and irony. This post has none of those. It reads like the ramblings of a tweaker. Mate, step away from the meth
Bryn, the only explanation I can think of for this is ICE ICE baby.
Cheryl J

i am not a fan of vanilla ice no matter what year it is so maybe YOU should read the dictionary and look up the womans place (ie. its in the kitchen... haha, nah just kidding sometimes its in the bedroom too. but since your the kind of 'lady' who goes on the internet probably not my bedroom. snap.) satire, sarcasm, irony, wit and humour - these are all things i try to avoid as this blog is srictly about the TRUTH. i dont even know why you mention things like satire and irony they dont even sound like english words. speak english or go to russia and eat beef strogonof like a good commie pinko internetz lady.

so i think that wraps that up quite finally. i have addressd your concerns and hopefully now you can all see were im coming from (clue: its not an actual place its more a state of mind) (another clue: the place im coming from is the TRUTH. not a place called 'truth' but the ACTUAL TRUTH).

peace.
44
Vote
   


the 10 WORST actors EVER

June 2nd 2008 11:23
yo listen up today i am gonna do somethig a little different to help mix it up for all you know nothings. this is what i call a TOP 10 only they aint gonna be TOP they are gonna be the absolute WORST actors EVER to be on a tv. some people will start there lists by saying that its there opinion but im gonna lay it down for you now and say that this isnt an opinion this is the GOSPEL according to ME: IE. the truth. so pay attention and you might lern somethin.

david duchovnee

NUMBER 10. DAVID DUCHOVNEE
a lot of people would shy away from the tv stars because they would feel that they are a soft target. not me. tv is full of whack awesome actors like JOHN STAMOS and INSPECTOR GORIN FROM LAW AND ORDER. david duchovnee of THE X FILES FAME is NOT one of these awesome actors. remember hwo the x files started and everyone was like DAMN rangas CAN be hot hurry up and get dem big ol' titties out already gillian scully... then there was david cross eyed duchovnee and he wasnt even cracking a fat. i didn't get it. it was bad acting if the x files was in any way realistic he wouldve boned her in the first series and the klingons wouldve laid the smack down rather than lurking in the shadows and helping the government fight russia and stuff. an important piece of trivia regarding the x files: when the scully got preggers in real life her boobs got noticably bigger during the episodes where she was in it and pretending not to be preggars.
WORST MOVIE: THE XFILES MOVIES

clint eastwood

NUMBER 9. CLINT EASTWOOD
Clint eastwood is such a bad actor that he now has to be a director and he is responsible for such badly directed films as MILLION DOLLAR BABY, OPEN RANGE and SAW IV. eastwood started his career by acting in non-english movies because no one in america would let him in their movies because he was so crap. this was back in the 30s when almost every actor was crap so that means eastwood must be extra EXTRA crap.
WORST MOVIE: WATERWORLD

ben 'casey' affleck

NUMBER 8. BEN AFFLECK
Remember when everyone was like O Matt damon and ben affleck theys good cause they wrote some dumb movie about hunting and school? that movie was the DEER HUNTER and it started ben affleck on the road to WORLD WIDE ANNOYANCE and VIOLATION OF FAMOUS HISPANIC VAGINA. ben affleck is so annoying that he was recently gonna get kicked out of america by the AMERICAN PRESIDENT BARRY OBAMA but than he changed his mind and said affleck could stay because he didnt want to start a war with whatever country affleck went to next. affleck just wont stop making films and aside from the excellent movies reindeer games and wing commander, he has never made anything decent.
WORST MOVIE: The assassination of jesse james by the coward john t. ford

denzal washington

NUMBER 7. DENZEL WASHINGTON
Denzel washington may have been the first black actor to win an oscar but that same oscar should be taken back off him for his many crap movie choices since. deznel got his big break playing the character of cody on FAMILY MATTERS and used this as a foothold to get into movies. he won an oscar for training day (his best movie) but then promptly made barbershop 1 and 2 back to back as well as a guest star turn in FRIDAY AFTER THE LAST FRIDAY and he has made black people angry everywhere for wasting his talent. famous black man ERNIE DINGO recently said the following 'i am very embarressed to be a black man when i see denzel doing such bad work he brings shame on my people'.
WORST MOVIE: snakes on a plane

kevin spacey

NUMBER 6. KEVIN SPACEY
Kevin spacey made oscar history by being the only person to win two oscars (for his work in american beauty and the usual suspects). but i think evryone has been living a lie in appreciatin him ever since as he has repeatedivly shown himself to be a terrible actor on almost EVERY OCCASION SINCE. spacey played a variety of retards and losers in such films as the shipping news, in and out and superman lives, and it got old very fast. it got so old that hollywood actually banned him from making movies for a few years which forced him to go into TV work and he can now be seen in the TV series LOST playing the show's hero BEN LOCKE. whilst its good to see big stars on TV i think there is sending out the wrong message because it says that people with googley eyes have a place in movies and tv and this just isnt true.
WORST MOVIE: superman lives

daniel daylewis

NUMBER 5. DANIEL DAY LEWIS
talking of overrated actors, heres the number 1 guy! daniel day lewis came to fame playing aragorn in the LORD OF THE RINGS movies and it doesnt get any blander. day lewis is famed for his use of method acting which is a special kind of acting where the actor gets really drunk before performing to get in touch with his 'method'. it has workd for such great actors as harvey keital adam sandler and johnny depp but it doesnt work for daniel day lewis who recently had a dispute with director PETER JACKSON over his payment for work in ads for peter jackson cigarete brand PETER JACKSON CIGAREETTES. Jackson maintains that he cannot pay day lewis because it is illegal to advertise cigarettes and that daylewises agreement to be in this ads was an elaborate case of OWNED. daylewis is taking the LORD OF THE RINGS director to court and claims he owes him a lifetimes worth of ciggie cartons, which daylewis needs so he can smoke in prepartion for his next role where he will play a smoking chimpanzee.
WORST MOVIE: gangs of new york where he has the worst american accent ever!

heath ledger

NUMBER 4. HEATH LEDGER
It is a tragic fact that heath ledger recently committed suicide over bad reviews he recieved for his work in A KNIGHTS TALE. Ledger made this movie several years ago but apparently he recieved bad reviews in the mail on an almost daily basis. i hate to make such judgement calls so close to the actors tragic death but this kind of repeated hounding through review can sometimes have a harsh but fair result. im not gonna commit and say whether this particular case was such a thing but i will end the heath ledger part of this blog here in honor of how i feel about his acting.
WORST MOVIE: a knights tale, for which he recieved many harsh but fair reviews which definitely caused his death which is also a harsh but fair result.

sarah jessica parker

NUMBER 3. SARAH JESSICA PARKER
while women dont actually count as actors i think i will make an exception for sarah jessica parker, who is the worst of the female 'actors'. women actors have struggled to have their art recognised for many decades now and the oscars are considering having a 'womans academy awards' in the near future to accomdate this rising fad of female 'acting'. sarah jessica parker does this movement no service. parker got her start playing the lead role in the sitcom BLOSSOM and moved from here into the old hag opera SEX AND THE CITY. parker blackmailed her way onto this show but the producers were smart and they forced her to sign a NO NUDITY clause in order to save the eyes of viewers everywhere.
WORST MOVIE: Sex and the city movie.

dustin hofman

NUMBER 2. DUSTIN HOFFMAN
Of all the old actors who came to fame in the 60s and 70s dustin hoffman would have to be the worst. whilst robert deniro and al pacino got oscars hoffman has never even been nominated and i think this is a fair sign that he just isnt up to standard. one of hoffmans most famous roles was when he played the lead woman in the stephen king movie MISERY. suffice to say he has rarely ever come close to recapturing that glory and his son PHILIP SEYMOUR HOFFMAN has eclipsed him in talent and film fame. adam sandler recently signed on to star in a dustin hoffman biopic titled 'YOU DONT MESS WITH THE ZOHAN'.
WORST MOVIE: Mrs doubtfire.

BRUCE LEE

NUMBER 1. BRUCE LEE
And the number 1 slot goes to the most overated actor of all time - BRUCE LEE. Bruce lee has fans everywhere and i am yet to ever understand why when his fighting talent is inferior to the likes of fellow asians JET LI, JACKIE CHAN and STEVEN SEAGEL. what i say to bruce lee fans is the following: if bruce lee is so good then how come he hasnt made a movie since the 70s? the answer is because he is a bad actor and he is afraid to compete against a market that includes jet li. i saw bruce lee once in chinatown in sydney and i asked him why he didn't make any movies anymore and he actually said what i just said about competing against jet li, word for word. i then offered to fight him but he said he was just too damn afraid and so i let him get back to work in the chinese noodle hut and even though his name tag said 'andrew' i know it was really him.
WORST MOVIE: Dragon the bruce lee story.

and there you go the 10 worst actors ever. i understand there may be some disagreement out there but i think its important to remember that i know what im talking about and its highly likely that you dont so laters.

74
Vote
   


Okeydokes

April 23rd 2008 11:55
I realise I haven't been doing much on this blog lately. I have a friend interested in taking Old Movies.net.au for a spin, so maybe I'll let him post in it for a while. Just thought I better post something about it so people don't think it's me! (especially as he has appalling taste in movies)

I'll probably be back at some point but life has been cuntish lately so breaths shouldn't be held.
75
Vote
   


How did R2-D2 get his name?

January 22nd 2008 13:33
We've loved it from the instant we heard it. The name of the little garbage can robot, R2-D2, has been murmured at hundreds of moments in my life, since I was a little little kid.

Where did ol' George come up with the name


[ Click here to read more ]
98
Vote
   


The Waiting Game

November 16th 2007 10:33
axl
"It's all about hatin' the fans yo!"


Here is a brief list of things the fans have been waiting for for far too long. As I'm feeling charitable I'm simply call this 'The Waiting Game'... if I was feeling less than charitable, I'd call it 'Failing to Deliver'. These aren't just movies either


[ Click here to read more ]
41
Vote
   


Comic Book Movies - I've had enough

October 22nd 2007 13:21
fantastic 4
Fantastic Four... more like Fantastic BORE


I'm finding myself becoming increasingly bored with the Marvel Movie Miracle Machine and all it's ilk. Prior to the late 90s, the only big 'comic book' films had been the flagship Superman franchise and the sporadic Batman series. Then the rise of the Internetz happened and the rapid conglomeration of nerds and geeks worldwide alerted filmmakers to the existence of a previously silent majority who had been pining away in their rooms waiting for the silicon revolution to happen. And yay, the Internetz gave them voice, and they did start their piteous moaning and fanboy gushiness. And dollars glittered in the eyes of the Executive Producers


[ Click here to read more ]
75
Vote
   




Well, here we are, Part 5 of my guide to De Niro films. It's unfortunate that what started as a celebration of such a great actor has to end with mentions of so many average and unimpressive films. To be truthful, I'm kind of put off from finishing this guide because barely any of these films do anything for me, but lucky for you guys I'm a completist and I'm anal about finishing what I start. Anyway, the late 90s and early 21st century has seen De Niro hit the absolute low point of his acting career and - ironically - seen his paycheques hit their highest peak. It's sad that the ratio of pay to performance is of such an inverse nature, but I guess that's Hollywood for you


[ Click here to read more ]
43
Vote
   


de niro cool


Well, this is Part 4 of a five part guide to De Niro films I've seen. This part deals with Bobby boy's films from 1995 to 1998. De Niro pretty much did his last good work as an actor in this period, he collaborated with Martin Scorcese for the last time (on 'Casino') and did one or two more interesting things before pretty much going on autopilot for the rest of his acting career so far. I'm afraid the mid-90s were the beginning of the end for De Niro, he also started taking more and more supporting roles, perhaps sensing easier money... but oh well, we soldier on


[ Click here to read more ]
45
Vote
   


robert de niro guide


This blog follows on from Parts 1 and 2 of my guide to Robert De Niro films I've seen. In the 1990s De Niro's film career sort of mutated a bit, he kicked it into overdrive and switched from carefully picked major roles in uncompromising films to more supporting roles and bigger movies. As a result, he made a LOT more films per year... whereas previously he usually only did one film a year, he was now making anywhere up to three or four films a year. So for the 1990s and 2000s part of this guide I've had to split it across three parts, as there are a lot more films to talk about (and De Niro's more recent output is also a lot easier to find than his earlier films, so I've seen more of them). This section deals with 1990 to 1994


[ Click here to read more ]
69
Vote
   


Robert De Niro


Today I'll be following on from yesterday's guide to De Niro's films of the 70s with this personal tour of his 80s films. Once again, I'm keen to remind you o deligent reader that I haven't seen all his films, so this is only a guide to the ones I've managed to watch so far


[ Click here to read more ]
45
Vote
   


Robert De Niro


I'm a huge De Niro fan. Chances are you might've come across my latently homosexual gushings about him in various reviews of films on this blog. Chances are you haven't, and I've just implied that I'm gay for him to someone who previously didn't suspect this. Damn


[ Click here to read more ]
47
Vote
   


Top 10 films of the 80s

January 22nd 2007 03:49
Here are 10 great 80s movies that kept me sane in my childhood. These aren't so much the finest films of the 80s, or the ones most deserving of adult praise. These are purely 100% maximum kid-aimed entertainment, or at least films that had that effect on me when I was little. These are the films I watched over and over again - the movies I memorised, quoted, play-acted and wished were visualisations of my real life. In short, these films were blessed escapism, and they are the bread and butter I grew up on.


[ Click here to read more ]
170
Vote
   


Top 10 Funny guys in films

January 9th 2007 09:27
Funny can be very subjective, so save yourself the trouble - if you don't find one of these guys funny, I get it, I know there's no accountability for taste. These are just 10 film characters that crack me it and make me lose my shit.


[ Click here to read more ]
119
Vote
   


The great comedian, Harold Lloyd

January 1st 2007 01:08
49
Vote
   


Moderated by Luke
Copyright © 2006 2007 2008 On Topic Media PTY LTD. All Rights Reserved. Design by Vimu.com.
On Topic Media ZPages: Sydney |  Melbourne |  Brisbane |  London |  Birmingham |  Leeds     [ Advertise ] [ Contact Us ] [ Privacy Policy ]