Luke
stu-kicks
CibbuanoA GUIDE TO THE 20TH CENTURY HISTORY
November 17th 2009 09:07
Sup, Stu Kicks here with another guide. This time I thought I’d give all you know-nothings a brief rundown of 20th century history. Listen up to the knowledge…
WORLD WAR 1
Sometimes referred to as ‘The Great War’ because it was so fucken great. Sometimes also referred to as ‘The Fun War’, cause of all the cricket and footy matches the Germans and Brits had against each other. This was also the war where Hitler lost one of his balls and where he got a tattoo of a mad Turkish hat on his upper right arm – hence you never see any photos of Hitler’s arms uncovered from after this period.
THE TITAIC
The most famous sinking boat ever. The Titanic was sunk in The Great War through the combined efforts of the Brits and German navies in their attempts to kill Leonardo DiCaprio.
THE GREAT DEPRESSION
Leonardo DiCaprio unfortunately survived and this led to widespread depression across America. Fully understandable.
WORLD WAR 2
Since World War 1 was so successful, the Germans and the Brits teamed up again for a sequel. Not as fun as the first one. Many silent propaganda films of Hitler survive from this time.
THE HOLOCAUST
One of the most devastating and tragic periods in our history. See The Terminator films for more information.
ROCK N ROLL
Elvis stole the r b tunes from the blacks and melded it with country music to form a revolutionary new kind of rocking. This of course led to the American Civil War when the blacks rose up and were all ‘Yo honkey we don’t appreciate yo stealing our shit’. Elvis responded by shoving two pitchforks in Ray Charles’ eyes, leaving him blind, and Ray Charles was all like ‘Owwwww!’
THE DEATH OF JFK, MARTIN LUTHER KING, MALCOLM X AND MARVIN GAYE
The American president, JFK, was a great supporter of blacks during the Civil War. Imagine his shock and anger when Marvin Gaye was shot down by his own father (Martin Luther King). JFK was a big fan of the song ‘Sexual Healing’ and he responded by having King assassinated. JFK was then killed by Malcolm X in retaliation (who was looking out for the blacks). Malcolm X was then assassinated by rival blacks because they supported JFK and were also Marvin Gaye fans. These events would become the origin point for the gangs known as the Bloods and the Crips.
AIDS
Millions of Africans and gay dudes die of AIDs, proving that God hates Africans and gay dudes.
BACK TO SCHOOL
Rodney Dangerfield makes the critically-acclaimed film ‘Back to School’. Many influential and respected critics would go on to vote it the Best Film of All Time.
DISCOVERY OF AUSTRALIA
The Americans discover Australia. They rescue the native population from the mercy of millions of baby-eating dingoes. Inspired by the ‘MTV Generation’ and ‘Generation X’, the Aboriginals adopt the hip-hop flavoured name, ‘The Stolen Generation’. Their story if told in the films Friday, Next Friday and Friday After Next.
THE GULF WAR
Saddam Hussein invades Kuwait in the hopes of acquiring a really good gulf course. America objects and goes to war. Many famous golfers are caught in the crossfire (including Iraqi gulfer Tiger Woods). The rival countries also battle it out for oil… arabs produce the most oil in the world, it comes from their hair and shit like that cause they’re so sweaty and oily. The Americans wanted it to use on their skin, cause they’re gay.
BILL CLINTON
Bill Clinton gets his cock sucked and proves that the American president can still be hip and fresh and in tune with the youth.
BAHA MEN
Baha Men release ‘Who Let the Dogs Out’. The world is never the same again.
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