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The Lovely Bones

January 14th 2010 07:51
Lovely Bones


Peter Jackson was pelted into the director's A-list thanks to his colossal success in bringing the Lord of the Rings movies to the screen. He followed this with a remake of King Kong, a spectacle-based adventure that suffered from serious length and pacing issues. I wouldn't exactly call King Kong a flop, but I think it's safe to say that it more than whetted the public's curiosity when it came to what Jackson was capable of as a director. And so, some four years later, Jackson makes a rather quiet reappearance with a flashy adaptation of the much-loved novel The Lovely Bones, just in time for the 2009/2010 Academy Awards, and no one really seems to care. It will be interesting to see if The Lovely Bones even gets nominated for anything come Oscar-time as the film seems like a rather tasteless non-event.


For those not familiar with the book, The Lovely Bones tells the disturbing story of Susie Salmon (Saoirse Ronan, fresh from her Oscar-nominated turn in Atonement), a 14 year old girl who meets a rather gruesome fate at the hands of a child-molesting serial killer (played by Stanley Tucci) in the 1970s. Susie narrates this story through flashback, starting with her hopeful days of adolescence and then bringing us up to speed with her time in the place between heaven and earth - an ectoplasmic place of beautiful symbolism where she is able to watch her family deal with the fallout of her mysterious death.

It's not a bad movie, and it's not a boring movie, but there's something about it that just doesn't feel right. I haven't read the novel so I can't really comment on a comparison between the two, but I have faith in the Jackson team's peerless ability to adapt a source material to film in the best possible way. I mean, you don't just fart out The Lord of the Rings in a fit of self-indulgence - anyone able to bring those books to film in such an entertaining and thematically-faithful fashion has to know what they're doing. There's a lot of recommend The Lovely Bones... the film itself is shot in orange and light grey colour tones, calling to mind a vivid 1970s polaroid, and the introduction of the killer's death lair in all it's glory is a wonderfully grim sequence - the camera actually sinks into the ground alongside Susie and her fear is absolutely palpable. The sound design is also brilliant too... Susie's feet crunch across decaying leaves as she's led to her doom, intercut with the crockery clanking onto her family's table back at home, a table she's noticeably absent from. Susan Sarandon is also great as the groovy, drunken, inappropriate 1970s grandma and if anyone is likely to get nominated for this movie it's probably her for the Supporting Actress category.


What doesn't work in this movie is the meshing of the 'heaven' sequences and the real life events back on Earth. Jackson invests a lot of visual detail into this fantasy world, one amazing scene involves giant glass bottle boats wrecking themselves on rocky cliffs around an ocean, but ultimately this world feels too underdeveloped in terms of Susie's narrative. Most of the time I just wanted these sequences to not exist so we could follow the plight of Susie's family in a more indepth fashion. I know this would be at odds with the book, but Jackson' preference for these fantasy sequences doesn't really sit well with the film's serious subject matter. Maybe he's even aware of this, as he also sanitizes the rape aspect of Susie's death - no mention is made of this aspect whatsoever, even when the opportunity arises to bring it to light. There's a slight implication that Tucci's character gets up to this sort of thing but it's largely suggested to be just a case of murder, which stinks of the kind of bowdlerisation I thought Peter Jackson would be above (seeing as he started out with a fine line in graphic low-budget horror films). Then again, we all know the trouble it takes to get R-rated films nominated for Oscars.

The way I see it, this film is about the malformed healing process that follows in the wake of a highly traumatic crime. I guess this aspect of the movie was more than adequately explored, and in this respect I can even accept the ongoing presence of Susie after her death. I just think Jackson should've addressed the nature of Susie's death a bit more and reigned himself in a bit when it came to the afterlife sections of the movie. I understand that he's primarily interested in fantasy-stories (only really one film in his back catalogue, the thematically similar and infinitely superior Heavenly Creatures, can really qualify as a story that could take pace in the real world) but maybe he shouldn't be attempting material like this if the non-fantasy sequences aren't interesting enough for him. Sadly, I suspect that his choosing of this material was more about chasing critical acclaim than it is about telling a great story in the Peter Jackson way.

LOWPOINT: Towards the end of the movie a godawful Celine Dionesque song plays over part of the climax. Not only is it hugely unneccessary and comes from out of nowhere, it also feels at odds with the film's atmosphere, style and setting. What were they thinking?

HIGHLIGHT: Jackson seems to be using some kind of high-definition microcamera for some small parts of certain scenes. I've not really seen shots like these in any other movie so I'm assuming he may have had some hand in pioneering their use for film. Anyway, these shots often take place in scenes involving Stanley Tucci's creepy character and are actually quite unnerving.
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sup peeps. with the reecent news that they are making a brand new sequel to the lord of the rings movie and are calling this the HOBBIT PARTS 4 AND 5 i desided it was time we ree-xamined the original movies and the reesons why they were not reely that popular. i have deesided i wood help the world out by outlinin how the LORD OF THE RINGS should be remade because im that sort of a guy you know the sort of guy who will call a taxi when its time for visitors to leave ITS CALLED A CURTORSY AND CERTAIN READERS OUT THERE MITE WANT TO TAKE NOTE IN PARTICULAR IM TALKING ABOUT PEEPS FROM THE SUBURBS OF PANANIA. you know who im talking about RYAN JAMES FOWLER. when i say its time to go ITS TIME TO GO.

anyway as they say on with the truth.



1. ELVES
what was with the elves in the lord of the rings movies? they were just peopel with pointy ears and girly hair and it was LAME. talk about rippin off star trek. the first thing i wood do to fix the lord of the rings movies is to make the elves awthentic REAL elves like the elves in santas workshop and the ones that make shoes like fake reeboks and stuff in asia. i have red the lord of the rings books at least twenty times and the elves are cleerly meant to be proper elves like little dudes with pointy shoes and the biggest disapointment of the movies was havin them look like normal peopel.



2. DWARVES
I wood also cast REEL FREAKIN DWARVES. I have NEVER seen a reel life dwarf with a decent beard let alone with proper arms. reel dwarves have little stumpy arms and stumpy legs and there heds are like butternut pumpkins a bit. i think it was DAM OFFENSIVE for the lord of the rings movies to ignore what REEL LIFE DWARVES look like. imagine if they had made ARE WE THERE YET and cast a WHITE man in the main role EVERYONE WOULD BE IN UPRAW BECAUSE IT WOULD BE RACIST AND IT WOOD RUIN A DEECENT MOVIE. reel dwarves = not racist.



3. HOBBITS
While we are talkin about reel dwarves and reel elves what the hell is a hobbit anyway? HOBBITS DO NOT EXIST. when i watched the lord of the rings i was a bit confused at first because there were elves there were dwarves there were wizards there was a troll but there was also sumthin missing. that sumthin is NOMES. WHERE WERE THE NOMES? i wood change all the hobbits to nomes and the movie wood just make more sense that way.

4. THE ENDING
look there was no battle with sawron and we didnt even get to see him. i wood have the nomes and gollum get to the big mountain at the end and then sawron wood come out with a big massive machete. frodo wood say "Out of my way sawron i am on a mission" and sawron wood say "give me the ring nome!" and frodo wood then say, "ok i guess i tried" and then he wood go to give him the ring but when sawron reeched out for it frodo wood suddenly pull out some nunchuks and start goin to town on sawron and then gollum wood pull out a saw and say "hey sawron saw on this!" and he wood saw sawron's freakin head off and blood would spurt evrywhere and some wood get on the camera and NO WAIT ALL THIS LIGHT WOOD COME OUT OF SAWRONS NECK AND FRODO WOOD SHOUT OUT "THERE CAN BE ONLY ONE!!!!!" AND THEN HE WOOD KEEP THE RING BECAUSE SAWRON IS NOW DEAD!

5. THE EXTRA ENDING BIT
Frodo would of course then stay in the shire he woodnt go off to any dumb elves land and he wood put the ring on and become a super-nome, a bit like the robot in IRON MAN. and frodo wood go round fightin and stuff. and frodo wood go head to hed with sawron's brother GORON and they wood go to punch each other at the exact same time and then the credits wood freeze frame on them and EYE OF THE TIGER WOULD PLAY.

6. NO SUBTITLES
wat was with all the subtitles? no one wants to reed when they watch lord of the rings OTHERWISE THEY WOOD REED THE BOOK. man the movie makers are so DUM some times. evrytime a character is speekin in another langwitch i wood just have them say it in english but before they say it they say the langwitch they are speekin in first. like this "ELVES LANGWITCH hi i am the elve king wood you like some sweet nike shoes?" eckcetra.



7. TOM BOMBODIL
I wood put the character of tom bombodil back in the movie and then fans wood have NO REESON WHATSOEVER TO COMPLANE ABOUT ANYTHIN IN THE MOVIE. i would probly cast tom selleck as tom bombodil because he is a cool guy and they have the same first name so it wood be easy for the other cast members to remember his name when talkin to him in character. i wood also make tom bombodil go on the quest with the others to make up for the fact that he didnt appeer in the original lord of the rings movies. suck on it.

8. GOLLUM
if the movie WATCHMEN proved anythin to the world it was that you are allowed to show doodles in movies so i wood make gollum completely naked and give him a deecent wang to shake about. this wood make gollum less of a loser. imagine how funny it wood be if he suddenly popped a boner in a reely serious scene!!!!! they wood be sayin 'OMG BOROMIRS DEAD N SHIT" and then BOINGGGG gollum has a boner and he starts saying 'MY PRESHUSSSS' and guess where he puts the ring!!!!!!! im not saying lord of the rings should be a comedy but it definetly needed some laffs.

9. SEX SCENES
why were there no sex scenes in the lord of the rings? all good movies have both fight scenes and sex scenes. look at the movie SEX BOAT it had tasteful porn AND pirates fightin and stuff. i cant beleev i sat thru 3 hours of each lord of the rings movie and still there was no punani. liv tyler is hot they shouldve put her on booty call or at leest chained her up in a mad bikini and made her dance for jabba the hut.



10. MORE RINGS
why is it called lord of the rings if there is only one ring in it? i wood make a bunch of diffrent rings and each one wood have a diffrent power. frodo wood have the invisible ring and maybe sam could have the RING THAT CAUSES PEOPELS CLOTHS TO FALL OFF. also aragon could have a ring that has a hart on it and when he uses it he could shout out 'HART!' and it wood make peopel act gay and lame. and then frodo could fight the others and steel there rings and then he wood put them all on one hand and he wood truly be THE LORD OF THE RINGS and then there wood be a special appeerance by the animated character CAPTAIN PLANET because the powers would be combined. for captain planet i wood cast BILLY RAY SYRUS because he can grow a badass mullet.
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THE X FILES MOVIE 2

August 8th 2008 04:18


sup yall i be kickin it mad reals lately because thats wat i do but i have decided to take a break from this to tell you all something very special

THE X FILES MOVIE 2 IS THE BEST MOVIE EVER MADE.

I have seen it 3 times already and it is better than the new batmans movie even better than STREET KINGS. thats how much i stand by it. it has mulder it has scully it even has billy connelly in it.

i am predictin this will be the best movie for the year and possibly even the decade.

i wont say any more because i dont want to spoil it but i will just say one thing: IT HAD A TWO HEADED DOG IN IT AND BILLY CONNELLY IS A PEDOPHILE AND SCULLY REALLY DOES LOVE MULDER.
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the latest Pirates movie!!!!11

June 14th 2008 05:16
johny depp not pictured


sup. today i will be speakin about the latest in the Pirates franchise starring johny depp as captain jack sparrow. taking a leaf out of sylvestor stalones book with rocky 6 being called rocky balboa they are just calling this latest one 'pirates' rather than pirates of the caribean 4, probably because no one even knows what the caribean is let alone were it is and they realised no one cared. the trend with big movie franchises usually sees the 4th movie as being majorly crap but in the pirates case this 4th movie is actually the BEST of all the pirates movies to date


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well it looks like all be on the floor for the new steven spielberg movie called Indiana Jones and the Crystal Skulls. I dunno what the big deal is. they get Harrison Ford outta retirement when no one cares about him anymore and make him the star in this movie and the whole thing looks like a BLATANT RIP OFF of National Treasure starring Nic Cage. now, as you all now, Nic cage is at least twenty years younger then harrison ford so WHY DIDN'T THEY JUST MAKE NIC CAGE THE STAR?!?! Harrison Ford hasn't even been in a movie for over 5 years! The last thing he did was a guest spot in 24 as Keifer Sutherland's dad so WHAT GIVES. Nic cage is a REAL star, they should've just made it as National Treasure: The Crystal Skulls. Tell me that wouldn't rule. who gives two swipes of shiz about some old doofus called 'indaiana jones' what kinda name is that anyway


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Tideland

April 11th 2007 22:25


If there is one thing Terry Gilliam can be relied on for, it's not pandering to the studios or what Hollywood or mainstream audiences expect from a film. Even in the last days of Monty Python it became clear that Gilliam had his own thing to do - witness the brilliant opening twenty minutes or so of 'The Meaning of Life', it's like a whole other movie. Over the subsequent years Gilliam has evolved into one of the most unique voices in fantasy film, battling with studio executives to bring us brilliant films like 'Brazil', 'The Fisher King' and 'Twelve Monkeys'. Alongside Martin Scorcese, he's pretty much my favourite director. This film, 'Tideland', was quickly made during a break that Gilliam took whilst making 'The Brothers Grimm', and has proven to be the director's most controversial film in quite some time... I don't think it has even had a proper release in America yet


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Jason and the Argonauts

January 11th 2007 08:01
Jason and the Argonauts (1963)


If there's one film from my childhood that will forever hold a special place in my heart it would have to be 'Jason and the Argonauts'. I must've watched this movie at least once a week for two years, marvelling at the amazing monstrous images conjured up before my eyes. The creepy jerkiness of Ray Harryhausen's famous stop-motion animation was as realistic to me as my own imagination... after watching it I would run outside and stomp around like Talos the bronze giant, terrorising my sister and wreaking havoc on mum's flowerbeds


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The Road to El Dorado

December 12th 2006 06:06


Yes, this film is a cartoon. No, I'm not embarrassed that I watched it - a lot of cartoon films are more enjoyable than their live-action colleagues. What mainly attracted me to this film was that it featured Kevin Kline and Kenneth Brannagh; a fine pair of actors if ever I saw some


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Robin Hood: Prince of Thieves

October 12th 2006 06:39
Robin Hood: Prince of Thieves (1991)


Ah, such a classic. Like 'Home Alone', I struggle to think how anyone could not get enjoyment out of a film like this. Okay, so Kevin Costner is a yank, but does it really matter when the film achieves exactly what it sets out to do... entertain through it's combination of thrills, high-adventure and amusing dialogue


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Flight of Dragons

September 29th 2006 09:55
Flight of Dragons (1982)


'Flight of Dragons' is an animated film based on a fairly well-known fantasy tome known by the same name. This cartoon attempts to take a somewhat too-clever-by-halves approach by attempting a seamless incorporation of the book and it's author into the story itself


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King Kong

September 27th 2006 09:25
King Kong (1933)
Well, I finally sat down and watched my five dollar copy of the original King Kong. I wasn't expecting much... maybe some cool stop-motion effects and some crappy acting in between. Boy, was I wrong. I'd say this is easily superior to Jackson's remake.

I was expecting some awesome old school special effects interspersed with a lot of boredom but I actually found this creaky black-and-white movie to be far less dull than Peter Jackson's recent remake. Sure, Jackson's action sequences and the effects work done by his Weta workshop are really good stuff, but everything else in that film was bloated and overdone and too dull. And the things I assumed Jackson had put in just to be cool were actually straight out of the original too


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Edward Scissorhands

September 21st 2006 04:07
Edward Scissorhands (1990)


Few other directors these days have as unique a look to their films as Tim Burton. 'Edward Scissorhands' is the quintessential Burton film, a gothic fairytale (even in the way that it's told in flashback) that is as quirky and odd as it is moving and heartwarming. We open on a nameless all-American suburb... a soulless, colourful 1950s consumerism ad, full of garish pastels and plastic emptiness. Watching over the town is a black and forbidding haunted house/castle, once home to a mad (yet kindly) professor (Vincent Price, in one of his last roles) and now inhabited by his last, unfinished project... a man with scissors for hands (Johnny Depp


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The Princess Bride

July 21st 2006 09:13
The Princess Bride
The Princess Bridge (1987)


Before there was 'Shrek' there was 'The Princess Bride'. Rob Reiner's homage/satire of the fairytale genre is the epitome of a 'sleeper hit'. For 15 years it has inhabited the weekly section of many a video store, slowly growing in legend and popularity as word spread from mouth to mouth, until finally becoming one of the most universally loved rentals to grace anyone's VCR


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