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Adventure/Fantasy - Old Movies

the latest Pirates movie!!!!11

June 14th 2008 05:16

johny depp not pictured

sup. today i will be speakin about the latest in the Pirates franchise starring johny depp as captain jack sparrow. taking a leaf out of sylvestor stalones book with rocky 6 being called rocky balboa they are just calling this latest one 'pirates' rather than pirates of the caribean 4, probably because no one even knows what the caribean is let alone were it is and they realised no one cared. the trend with big movie franchises usually sees the 4th movie as being majorly crap but in the pirates case this 4th movie is actually the BEST of all the pirates movies to date.

my trademark summary: captain jack sparow is now evil and leads a crew of evil pirates. they kidnap a woman from her new husband and head off to look for an indian. it is up to captain edward reynolds, a pirate hunter (a new characer in the franchise, played by fabio in all time best comeback role), to track down to jack sparow and stop him.

i always felt the other pirates movies were okay but not as great as everyone made them out to be. they were often too long and focus too much on being realistic about real history pirates. this 4th movie dumps all the crap characters (everyone except johny depp) and adds in some very tasteful erotic scenes. the action is kept crackin at a fine pace the acting is top notch and there are even some deadly skeletons to fight. something for everyone.

previosly i mentioned some tasteful erotic scenes. let me clarify this for anyone wondering yes these are sex scenes and yes they feature some very tasteful penetration and one or two money shots (ok at least 6). for those of you out there worried about it being too pornographic let me reassure you that it is all artfully done and completely integral to the plot and very much family viewing provided the children are over the age of 10.

HIGHLIGHTS: when the womans laugh at the idea of havin sex with the dopey asian character. also the scene near the end where the girls celebrate their victory with some stylishly-directed candle-play.

so to sum up: yes, this is the best of the pirates movie and heres to a quick release for the next one. johny depp you just get better and better.

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Posted By: stu-kicks - Category: Adventure/Fantasy

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Indiana Jones and the Crystal Skulls plot revealed!!!111

May 6th 2008 07:13

well it looks like all be on the floor for the new steven spielberg movie called Indiana Jones and the Crystal Skulls. I dunno what the big deal is. they get Harrison Ford outta retirement when no one cares about him anymore and make him the star in this movie and the whole thing looks like a BLATANT RIP OFF of National Treasure starring Nic Cage. now, as you all now, Nic cage is at least twenty years younger then harrison ford so WHY DIDN'T THEY JUST MAKE NIC CAGE THE STAR?!?! Harrison Ford hasn't even been in a movie for over 5 years! The last thing he did was a guest spot in 24 as Keifer Sutherland's dad so WHAT GIVES. Nic cage is a REAL star, they should've just made it as National Treasure: The Crystal Skulls. Tell me that wouldn't rule. who gives two swipes of shiz about some old doofus called 'indaiana jones' what kinda name is that anyway?

anyway, I havent seen this indaiana jones movie but i did recieve an email from one of my secret sources telling me in great detail what the plot of the movie is, so you heard it here first...

A mysterious illness is afflicting members of an archaeological expedition recently returned from the Andes, where they had unearthed the tomb of the Inca, Rascar Capac. One by one, the expedition members fall into a mysterious coma. The only clue is shards of crystal found near each victim, which are fragments of shattered crystal balls. Concerned, Indiana Jones and his mates go to stay with an old friend, and expedition member, the ebullient Professor Tarragon, who is keeping Rascar Capac's mummy in his house. But the mummy soon disappears when a lightning storm sends a ball of fire down the chimney, and, after each being visited in their nightmares by the mummy, the three wake to find Tarragon comatose, with the telltale shards of crystal by his bed.

Tarragon later wakes up but screams about mysterious figures attacking him. Indiana Jones later visits a hospital where all the other stricken explorers go through the same horrors at a precise time of day.

The plot thickens even further, however, when Indaiana Joness friend, whilst taking a stroll around Professor Tarragon's house, discovers a striking gold bracelet, puts it on (remarking on how nicely it goes with his coat), and then mysteriously disappears. The bracelet had previously been worn by the now-vanished mummy.

While looking for his friend, Indiana Jones is fired upon by an unseen gunman who escapes in a black car, having kidnapped his friend. The alarm is raised and the police set up road blocks, but the kidnappers switch cars and slip through the net.

Indaiana Jones pursues the abductors to La Rochelle, where they discover that his friend is on board a ship called the Pachacamac, which is bound for Peru, and he resolves to meet this ship there, which is where the film's showdown takes place.
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sounds okay I guess. time will tell if speilberg can pull out that magic and make this as good as a National Treasure movie!

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Posted By: stu-kicks - Category: Adventure/Fantasy

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Tideland

April 11th 2007 22:25

If there is one thing Terry Gilliam can be relied on for, it's not pandering to the studios or what Hollywood or mainstream audiences expect from a film. Even in the last days of Monty Python it became clear that Gilliam had his own thing to do - witness the brilliant opening twenty minutes or so of 'The Meaning of Life', it's like a whole other movie. Over the subsequent years Gilliam has evolved into one of the most unique voices in fantasy film, battling with studio executives to bring us brilliant films like 'Brazil', 'The Fisher King' and 'Twelve Monkeys'. Alongside Martin Scorcese, he's pretty much my favourite director. This film, 'Tideland', was quickly made during a break that Gilliam took whilst making 'The Brothers Grimm', and has proven to be the director's most controversial film in quite some time... I don't think it has even had a proper release in America yet.

Jeliza-Rose (Jodelle Ferland) is the ten year old daughter of a pair of drug addicts. They live in a dilapidated dump of a house, and aside from the times she prepares their heroin for them, her selfish and scattered parents have very little time for her. Jeliza-Rose's mother dies, and so her father (Jeff Bridges) panics and absconds with her to the now-abandoned country house that he grew up in. From here, things get a little weird. Jeliza-Rose's only friends are an assortment of doll's heads and two niehgbouring strangers... there isn't really a plot after this point, just Jeliza-Rose's perception of the burgeoning imaginary world around her.

This is one disturbing, heartbreaking, screwed up and creepy movie. Gilliam gives us a hyper-real New World take on Alice in Wonderland, only Jeliza-Rose doesn't go down the rabbit hole - the rabbit hole comes to her. It's the least American slice of gothic Americana to ever be put on the screen, it's unlike any movie I've seen and is probably Gilliam's least inaccessible and most divisive film yet. It's not for everyone, that's for sure, but it's certainly out there.

At first I wasn't sure how to feel about this movie. At times it makes you feel uncomfortable, but I guess this is kind of the point - Gilliam plays on our adult experiences and how we interpret what happens on screen. Our discomfort comes from what we think will happen... Gilliam toys with our fear of paedophilia and necrophilia, amongst other things, to manipulate our experience of the film. In this respect, it's more horrific and squeamish to an adult than it would be to a child, as what a child doesn't know will ensure they interpret the film differently. Gilliam has said that this film is about the 'resilliance of children'... I don't really see it as being about 'resilliance' per se, I think it might be more about the ignorance or innocence of children, if you have to put a name to it. Jeliza-Rose might not react the way we would when confronted with the horrors of this bright new world, but I think this would be more because of her abnormal upbringing amongst drug addicts rather than because she's a child. Then again, I suppose this proves the point - she remains untraumatised by the terrible life that brought her to this point. It's strange, when I watched this film I felt like it wasn't going anywhere, but by the time it was finished I had all these conflicting thoughts running through my head. I apologise for the lack of coherency this paragraph might present you with, but there it is. Blame the film for making me think too much!

Jodelle Ferland gives a tour de force performance as Jeliza-Rose, she provides some great and distinctive voices for her imaginary doll friends and she manages to carry the film almost completely on her own without any sense of awkwardness and unnaturalness. Jeff Bridges is also great as her father, all too realistic as a drug-addled loser-rockstar in his own little world. Brendan Fletcher is also highly impressive as Jeliza-Rose's friend, Dickens, a child in the body of a man and would-be boyfriend to our ten-year old protagonist.

Gilliam's direction is great as always too, the whole thing plays out like one big drug-induced fever dream rich with fancies of the imagination and tragic pathos... a train becomes a monster shark, dynamite becomes the A-Bomb, and a lobotomised retarded man becomes a knight in shining armour (and, depending on the way you look at it, he does save our heroine!) I liked this movie a lot, I could never criticise a film as original and thought-provoking as this. It's cheers me up a lot to know that Gilliam can still surprise and shock as much as he did in his earlier days, this film is a worthy addition to his resume.

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Posted By: Luke - Category: Adventure/Fantasy

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Jason and the Argonauts

January 11th 2007 08:01

Jason and the Argonauts (1963)

If there's one film from my childhood that will forever hold a special place in my heart it would have to be 'Jason and the Argonauts'. I must've watched this movie at least once a week for two years, marvelling at the amazing monstrous images conjured up before my eyes. The creepy jerkiness of Ray Harryhausen's famous stop-motion animation was as realistic to me as my own imagination... after watching it I would run outside and stomp around like Talos the bronze giant, terrorising my sister and wreaking havoc on mum's flowerbeds

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Posted By: Luke - Category: Adventure/Fantasy

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The Road to El Dorado

December 12th 2006 06:06

Yes, this film is a cartoon. No, I'm not embarrassed that I watched it - a lot of cartoon films are more enjoyable than their live-action colleagues. What mainly attracted me to this film was that it featured Kevin Kline and Kenneth Brannagh; a fine pair of actors if ever I saw some

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Posted By: Luke - Category: Adventure/Fantasy

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Robin Hood: Prince of Thieves

October 12th 2006 06:39

Robin Hood: Prince of Thieves (1991)

Ah, such a classic. Like 'Home Alone', I struggle to think how anyone could not get enjoyment out of a film like this. Okay, so Kevin Costner is a yank, but does it really matter when the film achieves exactly what it sets out to do... entertain through it's combination of thrills, high-adventure and amusing dialogue

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Posted By: Luke - Category: Adventure/Fantasy

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Flight of Dragons

September 29th 2006 09:55

Flight of Dragons (1982)

'Flight of Dragons' is an animated film based on a fairly well-known fantasy tome known by the same name. This cartoon attempts to take a somewhat too-clever-by-halves approach by attempting a seamless incorporation of the book and it's author into the story itself

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Posted By: Luke - Category: Adventure/Fantasy

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King Kong

September 27th 2006 09:25

King Kong (1933)

Well, I finally sat down and watched my five dollar copy of the original King Kong. I wasn't expecting much... maybe some cool stop-motion effects and some crappy acting in between. Boy, was I wrong. I'd say this is easily superior to Jackson's remake.

I was expecting some awesome old school special effects interspersed with a lot of boredom but I actually found this creaky black-and-white movie to be far less dull than Peter Jackson's recent remake. Sure, Jackson's action sequences and the effects work done by his Weta workshop are really good stuff, but everything else in that film was bloated and overdone and too dull. And the things I assumed Jackson had put in just to be cool were actually straight out of the original too

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Posted By: Luke - Category: Adventure/Fantasy

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Edward Scissorhands

September 21st 2006 04:07

Edward Scissorhands (1990)

Few other directors these days have as unique a look to their films as Tim Burton. 'Edward Scissorhands' is the quintessential Burton film, a gothic fairytale (even in the way that it's told in flashback) that is as quirky and odd as it is moving and heartwarming. We open on a nameless all-American suburb... a soulless, colourful 1950s consumerism ad, full of garish pastels and plastic emptiness. Watching over the town is a black and forbidding haunted house/castle, once home to a mad (yet kindly) professor (Vincent Price, in one of his last roles) and now inhabited by his last, unfinished project... a man with scissors for hands (Johnny Depp

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Posted By: Luke - Category: Adventure/Fantasy

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The Princess Bride

July 21st 2006 09:13

The Princess Bridge (1987)

Before there was 'Shrek' there was 'The Princess Bride'. Rob Reiner's homage/satire of the fairytale genre is the epitome of a 'sleeper hit'. For 15 years it has inhabited the weekly section of many a video store, slowly growing in legend and popularity as word spread from mouth to mouth, until finally becoming one of the most universally loved rentals to grace anyone's VCR

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Posted By: Luke - Category: Adventure/Fantasy

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