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Old Movies - March 2009

NO COUNTRY FOR OLD MEN

March 17th 2009 08:15


if theres one thing we can be happy about when it comes to holywood movies its that they know when they have made a mistake. look at AWESOME DIRECTOR george lucas for exampel. he made the star wars movies and when he realised that he had made some mistakes he gladly went back and fixed it FOR THE FANS. thats a true talent and it takes a lot of balls. holywood has come to realize this more and more and when they make a mistake now they simply just go and redo the movie like they did with the HULK and MAD MAX which they remade twice with mel gibson playin the same role over and over again.


i saw NO CUNTRY FOR OLD MEN when it first came out and MAN WAS IT BORIN. I ejected my pirate copy of the dvd about half way thru and i promoted it to coaster duty. this means i give it to my cousin who lives in gosford on the CENTRAL COAST. he will watch any old crap even movies like SLUMDOG MILLINAIR. anyway so i was very happy to here that they are now remakin this movie. some peoples are all like 'you cant remake this its too new' but luckily the movie makers are SMART and they said 'no its not a remake its a REIMAGININ' this means they imagine the movie could be better so they make it again.

word is that the main characters will all be played by eddy murphy using a variety of special effects and funny voices. he will play the bad mexican guy by pronownsing mexico as 'meh-hi-ko' and he will do the tommy lee character by copying all his tattoos onto his skin for awthenticity. he will also play the main female role by wearing a special suit that makes him look fat it will be so funny. when asked how he felt about taking on this challenge eddy murphy replied 'now i is a FLYIN talking donkey'. it was pretty funny i guess you had to be there and i was there because i KNOW peeople.


the academy awards is a fair organisation and they said that if this film is made with eddy murphy playin all four major roles then all the oscars they gave to the original version of no cuntry for old men will be givin to the new version. this is very fair and i wish australian sports swimmer IAN THORPE would do something similar with his gold medals like maybe give them to MATTY JOHNS who is famous for being a TOP BLOKE. matty johns is also goin to have a cameo in the new NO CUNTRY FOR OLD MEN he will playin REG REGAN and the american movie makers are very excited about this they might even let him direct the movie as well PROVIDED HE STAYS IN CHARACTER AS REG REGAN as this will make everyone the movie set laugh and they will be entertained while the movie is being made.

trivia: my cousin on the central coast still lives with his mum even tho he is 34 years old. every year i put a dollar away and by the time he is 40 i will have enuff money for him to take a special birthday trip to the kings cross in sydney so long as he agrees to pay for his own acomodation.
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sistahood of the traveling pants 2

March 11th 2009 00:31


man i went to see this movie a while back and i cannot say that i was impressed. firstly when i hear the words sisterhood and traveling pants i imagine that it is about fine wimen whos pants travel from there bodies to the floor but no insted i got some movie about a bunch of girls who travel around the world and one of them thinks she is PREGNANT WHEN A CONDOM BREAKS but woah she isn't. the aforementioned pregnansy scare shows the possibilitie of this being a decent movie but we NEVER actually get to see the condom breakin or her getting pounded.

to be onest i couldnt really follow this movie because i havnt seen the first one. i was lost because i didnt know what had happened in the first sistahood of the traveling pants movie and so it was very confusing. there is the chick out of ugly betty in this one and she is still fair ugly her real name is AMERICA FERRARI. what a stupid name why would you name your kid america when she is not even american but is in fact a mexican? also how can all these girls be sisters when one of them is a mexican and how can they all be sisters WHEN THEY ARE ALL THE SAME AGE. ARE THEY ALL TWINS OF EACH OTHER? it didnt make sense but then again like i said i havnt seen the first one maybe it was a sientifc experiment gone wrong or somethin like that.

anyway because i couldnt follow the movie and because it was very boring i decided instead to review the man sittin next to me.

so here is my trademark summary: the man sittin next to me is very fat and he has quiet the B.O. problem and when he breaths it is very loud and annoyin. he is probly a virgin or a pedo or possibly a PEDO VIRGIN.

i tried to be polite about the mans B.O. problem by sprayin my awesum lynx deodrant all over him but he seemed to get a bit angry. so i said 'yo man chill you kinda smell like my dog'. he got all flustered and he told me off but i just sprayed more of my lynx rite in his face and eventully he moved away so i guess after all this story has a happy ending BECAUSE I DIDNT HAVE TO GET UP IN ORDER NOT TO SIT NEXT TO HIM ANYMORE.

i would not recomend this movie it was very poor.
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VALKIRIES

March 6th 2009 22:07


its not often that a movie is both entertainin and brainstrainin but here won is. germans usully get a bad rap in the movies always eatin poos and weein on each other its enuff to make a man sick you know what im sayin. i know filmmakers have a responsobility to show the truth and we all saw that truth in HANSEL GOES TO SHIZTOWN, ICH DAS ASSEN WARRIOR and BUMHOLE MANIA but now it is time to show the germans doin some good and TOM CRUISE is just the man to do it.

here is my trademark sumary: tom cruise is a german PIRATE who decides to save all the jews by givin them work in a factory. but ADOLF HITLER is unhappy about this because he wants the jews to work in his own SPECIAL FACTORY over in orschwitz. hitlers workin conditions are terribel and he wont let the jews have a union or anythin. he also keeps tryin to make them take a shower together its kinda gay because dudes shouldnt take showers together its an alone time I KNOW YOU UNDERSTAND ME.

this is a grate movie full of thrills and spills and its educational to. tom cruise plays THE CAPTAIN a german nazi who is also a pirate. he is conflicted by his pirate side a lot as it doesnt get on with his nazi side and this is why he decides to lead the VALKIRIES a gang of good germans who drive around in valkiry cars. these cars are a bit old fashioned but they go alright and they are german made this is why the movie is called VALKIRIES.

tom cruise is very good in this and pulls off a grate german accent. word is that he spent 12 months walkin around with one eye shut in preperation for wearin an eyepatch. now thats acting. hitler is played by BEN STILLER. ben stiller does the best actin of his career and practiced at not bein jewish in preparation for playin hitler by eating heaps of bacon and havin regular toast for breakfast instead of bagels. in one part of the movie hitler sees his dog run over by a jew in a car and you can see the pain in his eyes in this pivotal moment and this is why he blames the jews for everythin. its golden globe winnin stuff.

my favrite bit of the movie would have to be when THE CAPTAIN AND ADOLF HITLER FIGHT. the movie takes a while to build up to it but it is the best fight shown in movies this year. hitler has two gatling guns one grafted onto each arm and he fires them up like a demon but the captain is able to dodge the bullets and eventully he gets hitler in a headlock and forces hitler to sign a treaty to not make jewish dudes have showers with other jewish dudes. hitler is all like 'NOOOOO but dey are so gaaaaayyyyyyy for each udder' and the captain says 'your the one who is gay GAYDOLF HITLER' and then he high fives the rest of the valkiries and they all put their hands on top of each other in a circle and go 'WOAAAAHHH VALKIRIES!' like a football team. then the movie freeze frames on the captains face after he lifts his eyepatch up to reveal that he has a normal eye. WHAT A TWIST.

i give this movie 10 stars
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