July 2008 - Old Movies

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Old Movies - July 2008

the dark knight REVIEW i tell the truth

July 29th 2008 11:27

everyone is all like full manging on the new Batmans movie. when was the last time everyone got this excited about part 6 of a major movie franchise? no dont answer that it is what i like to call a retorical question. the answer is POLICE ACADEMY 6. aaaaaand THAT movie DIDN'T have a major star die before hand. and yet it still rules. you might ask what am i tryin to say here? well i will leave that up in the air.

but really what i am tryin to say is that the POLICE ACADEMY movies are an institusion that rarely get the respect they deserve. after part 5 of the police academy films everyone at the time was like DAMN how they gonna top that without getting mahoney back? and then along came POLICE ACADEMY 6: CITY UNDER SEIGE and the moviemakers won EVERYONE over with a massive twist - this time the cops go UNDERCOVER. add in some sweet sound effects from eddie murphie in one of his signatur roles and of course TACKLEBERRY the greatest movie cop of all time and you have yourself a film that is both a satisfyin classic and a boundry pushing sequel. the critics were silenced.

today we have a similar thing. the dark knight AKA BATMAN 6: THE RETURN OF THE JOKER sees Michael Keatons Batman face off against the joker one more time. jack nicholson was far too old to reprise his role and turned down a lot of money to even make a cameo so it was up to young bad boy and recreational drug user HEATH LEDGER to step into jacks shoes to play the joker. running at well over 3 and a half hours it is the longest of all the batman films and looks to be the most popular yet.

heath ledger as the new improved JOKER

here is my verdict. its good but its not THAT good. i would rate it somewhere between batmans forever and Batman and robin. there are a few glaring faults that will bug even the most easygoing of batman fans the most obvious being that the joker DIED in the first film. absolutely no reference is made to this at all. also as good as it is to see michael keaton return to play batman once again i feel he is missing the edge of val kilmer.

i have to admit that my attention wavered at the 2 hour mark. 3 and a half hours is just too long for a movie about cartoon characters. does anyone take stuff like this that seriously? it is a very dark movie and there was not nearly enough poon to lighten the tone for family viewing. i would not take my kids to see this movie id probably leave them in the car with a deck of cards.

TRIVIA: plans are already underway to make batman 7 which is rumoured to be titled THE MAN WHO IS A BAT. having brought to the screen the penguin, the riddler, the two face (twice) and the joker (twice) the producers are now looking to put the last of the big batman villains up on the big screen, this will be KING TUT and he will be played by HURLEY out of the TV show LOST. it is unknown if michael keaton will return as batman as he has a lot of nothing to do and probably prefers fillin out centrelink forms (i know i do).

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Posted By: stu-kicks - Category: Action/Thriller

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10 reasons why george lucas rules!

July 4th 2008 07:26

sup blogtards ive been busy lately with poon so there wont be any apologies so dont be waitin (youd do the same. well maybe not. you ARE on the internet). today i am going to take a more artistic look at the world of film magic and i will talk about the grand man GEORGE LUCAS and 10 undisputible reasons why he is the greatest director alive today with the possible exceptions of michael bay and joone.

1. he has two first names. george. lucas. you know how madonna, sting and usher are so awesome they dont even need a last name? well george lucas has two first names and NO last names to go with either of them. this is a rare occurance and it is caused when a mad serbian dude lays down with a sneaky croatian whore and they have a baby and the serbian gives said baby to the GOLDEN GLOBES VOTING COMMITTEE. george lucas was raised by this committee and he never knew his real father until he went to war against the serbians in the 90s, he had to do battle with his father and he was told the truth shortly before getting his hand cut off by an intense laser sword and thats how he got the idea to write and direct THE HAND starring MICHAEL CAINE.

2. he has a awesome beard. theres a saying amongst awesome people and i am going to let you in on it: there are those who have beards and THERE ARE THOSE WHO CANT GROW THEM. suffice to say george lucas CAN grow a beard and he has been unwaverin in his devotion to the art of beard growing and it has been scientificaly proven that having no beard means you have no ambition regardin the ladies (IE. you are a homosexul). in related trivia, george lucas owns penthouse magazine.

3. JAR JAR BINKS. the greatest comedy character of all time. the combination of jar jars witty dialog and ben stillers awesome comedy acting skills combine to make the best combination ever. george lucas added an educational element by basing jar jar binks on black people and recieved a nobel prize for this because it helped show white people about black culture and the ways that black people can be useful to us.

4. No asians. in all of the star wars and ewoks movies there is never once a asian and hence george lucas spared the audience from many scenes involvin badly driven spacecraft and countless poor attempts at paralel parkin. to avoid acussations of racism george lucas wisely based the ewoks (the coolest of all the star wars aliens) on asians and even had them speak actual asian language. the asian world community were thankful to be included in some way and they liked the ewoks because they look like koala bears.

5. the guy from once were warriors is in star wars. when i watched attack of the clones i was almos jumpin out of my seat because of how awesome it was and then bubba fet turned up and he took off his helmet and it was JAKE THE MUSS! anyone who has seen once were warriors (the greatest aussie movie of all time) will smile when bubba fett turns to natalie portman in a key scene and says "cook the man some dam eggs", and then bubba fet looks at the camera and winks to all his brothers back in oz. it was a great moment and it confirmed that george lucas really new his stuff.

6. jabba the hutt. the guy is just so PHAT. its like george lucas made this movie and was like MAN its got fightin its got down syndromes aliens its got a chick in a golden bikini what else does it need? A BIG MASSIVE GANGSTA. BOYYYYYYYYYYYYYEEEEEEEEE! jabba is actually based on real life gangsta THE NOTORIOUS B.I.G.

7. george lucas admits his mistakes. unlike most directors who make movies and then show them to people and these people realise a certain bit sucks and the director is all like no way this is my art i aint changin it and then CONTACT stays in release for the next ten years and no matter how many times you watch it the alien at the end is still just that dumb fat head out of the green mile and he doesnt even look like an alien. george lucas is unafraid to go back and IMPROVE on his movies. the most recent and genius example being when he put hayden christianson into the end of return of the jedi. how does he even come up with this stuff?! its no wonder there are so many star wars fans in the world. everytime i watch a star wars movie i know that it might be different to the last time and this is why george lucas is the greatest non-pornographic director in the world.

8. he also never stops. just when you think star wars is over and there is no where else for the story to go - BAM. GEORGE LUCAS FINDS A WAY. the upcomin clone wars movie is perfect proof of this. i feel safe and secure in the Knoledge that there will be new star wars movies for my children and my childrens children. i wont be payin for any of these kids to go see these movies but the important thing is that these movies will be there for them to sneak into.

9. he invented ranch dressing. this stuff goes on chicken so good and i pray to my balls every day in thanks for george lucas and his endless talent. there is nothing that he cant do - whether it be making star wars movies or inventing ranch dressing.

downs syndromes alien

10. he based an alien on an actual DOWN SYNDROMES. see picture above. no one else has ever pushed the envelope like this and george lucas upholds his nobel prize by continuin to make room for the less abeled people of our society. when i was a kid i would watch john holmes and i could indentify with him because we were phyzically similar if you know what i mean and by this i mean i have very large genitals. anyway it gave me a role model and helped me become the better person i am today. george lucas understands this and has gone out of his way to put a downs syndrome alien into star wars and this helps downs syndromes aspire to better things too and maybe one day they to can jabber in their jabba-jabber talk and someone somewhere will actually understand what they are sayin. i'm not saying this will actually happen im just saying that anythings possible and we have george lucas to thank for it.

so there you hav it. 10 watertight reasons why george lucas owns you all. feel free to post comments about why you love george lucas. laters.

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