November 2007 - Old Movies

Old Movies

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Old Movies - November 2007

The Waiting Game

November 16th 2007 10:33

"It's all about hatin' the fans yo!"

Here is a brief list of things the fans have been waiting for for far too long. As I'm feeling charitable I'm simply call this 'The Waiting Game'... if I was feeling less than charitable, I'd call it 'Failing to Deliver'. These aren't just movies either...

Chinese Democracy - Guns 'N' Roses
Top of this list would have to be this album by Axl Rose's Guns 'N' Roses cover band. For what would have to be some kind of silly record, Axl Rose and his ever-changing parade of sycophantic band stooges have been working on this album for a staggering 13 years. A far too numerous amount of release dates have been announced only to come and go without any sign of this album. Many of the songs have been played live by the band, but so far only one has seen the light of day in recorded form ('Oh My God', an average industrial-ish track that turned up on the soundtrack to 'End of Days' in 1999 [yes, the piss poor Arnie Schwarzenegger film]) and it's believed that should 'Chinese Democracy' ever be released than this song would probably not even be on it. So much money has gone into this album and Axl's cocaine-lined pockets that it would pretty much have to be the biggest selling album of all time to make any kind of profit. What I don't understand is why the labels continue to give him money.

The Inheritance Book 3
Christopher Paolini made a name for himself when his parents paid their way into making him a child-novelist superstar with the teen-fantasy epic 'Eragon'. Paolini kept his fans eager by pushing back the release date of the second book 'Eldest' by a full year. Now it's been three years and the fans are clamouring for book 3 of the series. To put this into perspective, Paolini was only 17 when he released the first book... when he failed to deliver the second on time everyone was all like 'awwww, how cute the kid's running late' but now he's freaking 24 so no excuses Chris it's not like you work a real job or anything GEEZ, how hard is it to re-write Lord of the Rings and change all the character names anyway? Book 3 was meant to come out a year ago, and then it was changed to October this year and then, true to form, it got pushed back to October next year. And, to make it even worse, he's just announced that the series will now feature 4 books rather than the previously stated three. The smarmy git. You're hanging by a very short thread mate.

Les Norton movie
For a few years now there has been talk of a film version of 'You Wouldn't Be Dead For Quids', the first book in Robert G. Barrett's Aussie crime-comedy series featuring Les Norton. Football player and all-round media clown Matty Johns has been connected to the project since rumours first surfaced but Norton fans have been waiting a long time for this film to appear now and no hard evidence has really come to light.

The Solomon Key
Dan Brown's much anticipated follow-up to 'The Da Vinci Code' has been postponed numerous times and is still without a hard release date. He must be feeling the pressure after writing one of the biggest selling books of all time... don't worry Dan, the Da Vinci Code backlash has been and gone and I don't think nearly as many people care as much about your next book as they once did WAY TO MISS OUT ON SOME BIG SALES YOU MASSIVE GOOFBALL.

The Red Dwarf Movie
Ever since Red Dwarf's 8th series went to air in 1999, the show's co-creator Doug Naylor (and now it's solo pilot) has been trying to get a motion picture version made. It's been 8 years now and it's pretty safe to say this project is burning to death in development hell. Naylor made an announcement three years ago that he would soon be making a decision about whether he should continue to try and get it made or give it up. Well buddy, where's the decision? Did you give up? Thanks for letting the fans know. Where's the TV special that you said would get made if the movie failed to go ahead? The amount of times I heard that this movie was 'about to start filming on Australia's Gold Coast' made it sound like this project was definitely happening, but now I think the cast has probably just gotten too old. We don't want this looking like Star Trek 6 or Star Trek 10.

Can you think of any others? Leave a comment, I'm interested in hearing about other massive failures and people who hate their fans.

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Posted By: Luke - Category: Profiles, Trivia and Talking Crap

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Amazing Grace

November 5th 2007 10:27

Just a short-ish review today before I strap on my rocket pack and fly off to groovetown...

It's being called the feel good sleeper movie of the year, one of those good-vibes dramas that grows in popularity as buzz gets generated mostly by word of mouth. Apparently even Oprah is championing the film now. What an amazing surprise that is... Oprah imploring everyone to go and see a movie about the enslavement of Africa. Let me put this out there, I have no problems with the movie 'Amazing Grace' or people endorsing it, but why is it that a hundred or more superior or equal British films about important historical events have come and gone without Oprah giving a shit? I hate how Oprah uses her influence to wheedle her own political passions into the 'must-see' lists of housewives around the world, and how Oprah assumes that African slavery is the Most Important Issue of All Time for Everyone on the Whole Planet. Anyway, moving on...

'Amazing Grace' is the story of William WIlberforce, a 17th century English politician who relentlessly campaigned for the abolition of slavery within the British Empire. The structure of he film flits between the two stages of his life spent fighting against this injustice. At first it jars a little but eventually it makes dramatic sense, and Ioan Gruffudd (as consistent and underrated as ever) gives the film an appropriate sense of scale without going over the top. The film itself also manages to treat the subject with a dignity that many American films fail to grasp, opting to focus on the details and characters rather than sensationalising the African plight or presenting the issues of the day anarchronistically, and - most importantly - avoiding the boredom factor (something Steven Spielberg's 'Amistad' failed to do).

An array of familiar British character actors (Michael Cambon, Rufus Sewell) add a suitable amount of colour to the proceedings, and Albert Finney puts in a moving extended cameo (give the man a bloody Oscar already!) as the repentent slave trader John Newton (writer of the song, 'Amazing Grace'). I really enjoyed this film, and I was terribly relieved that it didn't all go massively Hollywood or send me to sleep. To paraphrase one of the film's characters, it's a nice slice of history that reminds us that not all great people are warriors or men of war, and as a tribute to William Wilberforce and his tireless campaigning for human rights the film is a huge success.

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